You sit in a chair all day and look at a screen and think about all the things you'd rather be doing than the thing you're currently doing.
The guy who invented the digital distractions that currently plague the modern day humans and who lots of people that wear black rimmed glasses and graphic t-shirts think is a God, even though he wasn't because he died, and Gods don't die, said something like, "I look in the mirror everyday and ask myself, 'if today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I'm about to do today?'"
And when he would look deep into his own eyes while lightly touching his bathroom parts and the answer was, "no," for too many days in a row, he knew it was time to change something.
But whatever, he was a famous multi billionaire that had everything handed to him and could do anything he wanted at any time.
You're a nobody, a drone sitting on a homemade throne that wants so many things that you probably can't have that can't afford to answer, "no," too many days in a row.
More, "no, but..."
And you wonder where this desire to be or do or whatever comes from.
Like, if you lived in a cave and bathed in a river and had no idea that the world was round and you didn't have a car or TV or digital distraction and only knew what was right in front of your face, would you still have the desire to be something other than a person who lives in a cave, shits in a hole, and tries not to die everyday?
The answer you produce is, "no, I would only care about the right now and not dying."
And then you think further about giving everything up and moving to the mountains and living with a bunch of other people who have given everything up in exchange for wearing orange robes and meditating all day and jacking off a whole lot because sex is also a thing you give up.
Because the absence of desire and fear is where peace exists, or something like that.
Maybe you read that on a bumper sticker or in a book or heard it in a motivational talk somewhere and burned it into your brain.
But desire and fear are implanted in our heads as things that drives all behaviors.
Like, without desire and fear we'd all just sit on the floor and drool on ourselves and The Progress Machine would have to work overtime to keep the streets clean.
But then we wouldn't have any motivation to fuck and reproduce, so we'd go extinct really fast if the new batch of humans lacked these two things.
So peace isn't really the absence of desire and fear, but the acceptance of it, right?
Who fucking cares.
Peace isn't what you're after because it's boring and will make you fat and complacent and unconscious.
Peace is a modern day tranquilizer.
What you desire is adventure, excitement, achievement, happiness.
What you fear is the opposite of those things, comfort and the lack of desire for anything other than existing.
And you're stuck in that place where your desires meet your fears, and it's just a void, like you're suspended is the middle of a black tunnel.
And you can turn and see each end.
One end is the result of living your desires.
The other end is the result of living your fears, which is pretty much where you've been living for a while now.
And that end is scary, but it's familiar, and you wonder if you could modify that place just a little to make it look more like the desires end, because you know the image of your desires is way better than the reality of it.
Because a person cannot constantly be stimulated with excitement and adventure, there has to be down time where things are just ordinary.
And all this has achieved nothing.
The question that's still rattling around in your head is, "what's next?"